Joey Kelly's Poetry Page

First off, let me say that I hate poetry. I despise it. Rarely do I read it, and even rarer is the scrap of non-prose that strikes my fancy. The only exception to this is hebrew poetry (the Old Testament is loaded with figures of speech), which does not rhyme phonetically, but logically.

However, I do enjoy making puns (much to my wife's dismay, I might add).

That said, a friend of mine I met on the Internet turned me on to haiku, and I wrote one. Then a few months ago slashdot had an article about haiku, and I wrote another. I even got a few karma points out of the deal. It turns out that I actually enjoy good haiku, especially if it's humorous.

For the uninitiated, haiku as normally structured has 3 lines, with 5, 7 and 5 syllables, respectively. Also, a season is supposed to be referenced.

So, without further ado, here goes...


My First Haiku
I learn'd 'bout haiku
In spring of two thousand two
I'll forget it soon.


The meter is wrong on this one. The last line has 6 syllables :-(  The initial "You' could be dropped to make it fit.

What You Say?
How you gentlemen!!
All your base belong to us.
You know what you doing.


Then there's the one I wrote when a few friends of mine on #perl were joking around about setting up a 900 number scam, getting gullible lusers to call and sound off about which candidate would win in the November 2002 elections.

Vote Scam
To log your vote, call
One nine hundred pay me cash.
Who will win this fall?


Will Haiki For Food
This is a haiku.
It's what everybody does
While they are at work.


Bah Humbug Redux
Credit card bills due.
The holiday season blues
Last until paid off.


Move Along, Folks...
It's a lot of noise.
I was bored and wrote some verse.
Not much to see, dude.


Will Haiku For Jesus
Saviour Jesus, Lord.
His sacrifice cleansed our souls.
Let's thank Him again.


Bacon Bytes
I hate poetry
Unless it rhymes with bacon
And mentions more food.


Other Stuff

Crappy Holidays
(to the tune of "Happy Holidays")

Crappy holidays!
Crappy holidays!
When the telephone keeps ringing,
It's crappy holiday bills come due!


On The Commode Again
(to the tune of "On The Road Again")

On the commode again!
I can't wait to get on the commode again!
Just finished eating greasy tacos with my friends
And I just can't wait to get on the commode again!


Red Bean Promise

Dave, a Perl friend of mine here in New Orleans, serves red beans and rice on Monday evenings once every month or so. Eating red beans on Monday is an old tradition here --- long, long ago, Monday was wash day, and the woman of the house could put a pot of beans on the stove and let them simmer, which allowed her ample time to get the wash done. Anyhow, Dave's group likes to make up verse commemorating the monthly occasion, so I decided to answer his email announcement, as a way of letting him know that I planned on attending his feast eventually.

Beans, beans, the musical fruit.
Here's hoping one day I'll scoot
To Dave's place, for Monday munch.
Maybe today if I don't eat lunch.


Gimme this! Gimme that!
Hurry up or I'll knock you flat!