[Nolug] Rantings of Homer Simpson

Man I need a Wiki
Sorry in advance for the mess here, but this is too funny not to share.
Be advised, the names have been changed to protect the incredably stupid.
(Note: Homer Simpson owns 5% of My Company Inc. due to a previous Access
programming failure from wich we could not pay the $35,000 @$35/hour.)
Ok, the story unfolds when I go to Clinic X to copy the Access MDB that
Homer gave me.
He had gone to Clinic X earlier to split the database and forgot to bring
the CD he had made, and did not FTP the files from My Company Inc.'s ftp
server as previously discussed and agreed.
And so we begin...

----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris R" <chris@mycompany.com>
To: "HomerSimpson" <>
Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2004 11:01 AM
Subject: Clinic X's Clinical Package

Homer,
I went to Clinic X-Slidell and installed the latest version of the clinical
package.
The Old MDBs were in C:/Program Files/XXXX. The new MDBs need to be in
C:/XXXX.

I copied the ClinicalPackage_be.mdb from the old location to the new
location and tested.
The information checked out, but when I attempted to transfer data, the
following caused it to fail.
First, it asked for a manual date.
Second, it asked for a manual MRO Name.
Finally, I got an error locating the MRO query.

The transfer data button must be fully automated, so it can send
automatically after midnight.

Also, the company file will need to be changed, since Clinic X has switched
to Medtopia and no longer use the billing ids as used in medtron. I have an
appointment Friday with Andrea to see if she can generate a company list
that can be imported into the Clinical Package. If so, we need to try to
automate the process to periodically update the table. We must not
jeopardize Client's login security to accomplish this. We may have to have
Client generate and save a file, then have the clinical Package import then
remove the file.

Please call me as soon as possible, so we can schedule a trip to Slidell.

Thank you for your time.
Chris R

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Homer Simpson [mailto:]
> Sent: Saturday, July 31, 2004 12:49 PM
> To: Chris R
> Subject: Re: Clinic X's Clinical Package
>
>
> The problem was not with the installation program, but with your lack of
knowledge at what I changed on the
> database. Please call me in advance next time and things will go much
better. I have the check for your friend in
> my car and can meet you and give it to you or leave it somewhere so you or
your friend can pick it up.
> Homer

-----Original Message-----
From: Chris R <chris@mycompany.com>
Sent: Aug 2, 2004 4:45 PM
To: Homer Simpson <>
Subject: RE: Clinic X's Clinical Package

I followed the instructions you gave me. Which were very vague.
Also, you have no authority to take possession of any payment going to
anyone outside of this office.
You do not work for Clinic X, nor have you been asked to do any consulting
work for Clinic X.

These People are the clients of My Company Inc. as far as Drug Testing goes.
AND They had contracted me to provide consultant work and assist them with
other computer related issues.
You have NO business with Clinic X save getting your 'clinic package' to
work.

You are beyond belief with your unprofessional attitude.
You will return the check to Clinic X or Deliver it here immediately.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: [mailto:]
> Sent: Monday, August 02, 2004 07:23 PM
> To: Chris R
> Cc: Marty
> Subject: RE: Clinic X's Clinical Package
>
>
> You are an idiot and did not follow my instructions.
> If you do not understand what I say then you need to ask
> for more detail.
> The people at Clinic X said you called and asked for me to take the
> check. I initailly said no, but after having them implore me to
> take the check, I did so. Your interference in the process ran the
> process aground. The initial instructions were to mail the check.
> I feel your ineptness has caused all of the problems with the database
> and the check.
> Homer

----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris R" <chris@mycompany.com>
To: "HomerSimpson" <>

<tim@mycompany.com>
Sent: Tuesday, August 03, 2004 10:25 AM
Subject: Clinic X's Clinical Package

Very mature with the name calling.

First, I did not contact Clinic X regarding the routing of someone else's
check.
Joey left without getting it and asked (since he and I are friends and see
each other often)
if Bruce would give his check to me. What kind of person would accept a
check for someone
he does not know nor knows how to contact. You are endangering this company
with the possibility
of legal action because of your stupidity.

Second, as far as your database is concerned, You are exhibiting a lack of
programming skill, a lack of understanding of your own programming, an
inability to successfully transfer your work between home and this office,
and have yet to fulfill the basic requirements given to you on October 30th
2003. This is the second time you have chosen access as your database and
you have failed, again, to deliver what you have promised. This is a simple
task, and yet you can't seem to grasp the basic concepts. This should not
have taken more than a week to complete, yet you have piddled with it for 9
months with questionable results. I have even fixed problems that you had
deemed unresolvable.

Your performance on this project is disgraceful. I consider this project a
failure and
concluded as of August 3, 2004 10:25 AM

Do NOT contact me again.
I am done with you.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Homer Simpson [mailto:]
> Sent: Tuesday, August 03, 2004 07:49 PM
> To: Chris R
> Subject: Re: Clinic X's Clinical Package
>
>
> You really live in your own world. I complied with Bruces
> request, although
> I
> did initially say no. Your involvement in the process would see you in
> trouble
> not me. I did not open the check envelope and did call Joey and got the
> check to him. If you would have come back to Clinic X on time for
> my leaving
> or had not left, you could have taken the check. Do not blame me for your
> involvement
> in something you had no business being involved in, and to boot getting me
> involved
> in your goofy shit.
> I guarantee I will never participate in any Chris goofy fuck ups in the
> future and you are
> an idiot.
> Homer
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Homer Simpson [mailto:]
> Sent: Friday, August 06, 2004 02:13 PM
> To: Chris R
> Subject: Re: Clinic X's Clinical Package
>
>
> You are untrustworthy in my opinion and experience. You are also
> a thief and the only programs I have seen you develop or to try to
> develop were based on my programs. I have had the highest security
> clearances at previous work places and have been in charge of RACF and
> DB security for billion dollar databases/computers.
> I feel you are a thief and saboteur who has at the core some
> serious mental
> problems. It is only Marty who convinced me to work around a goofball
> like you. You make your own problems and then lie to yourself
> that someone
> else is at fault. Take responsibility for your own actions!
> Homer

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Received on 08/06/04